As a human race, we generally like to win. I don’t know of many people who sit around, wishing they could lose at something. We enjoy it when our favorite football team wins the Super Bowl. We love it when we bet half our life savings in an intense game of poker and win. We even love beating our best friend in an arm wrestling match just to get the satisfaction of winning.
If you are one of the millions of people who enjoy winning, it is your lucky day!
This paper airplane is made from state-of-the-art, 8½” x 11” crisp, snowy white printer paper, and it flies twenty whole feet! Let’s face it; this astronomical distance is farther than most half-hearted airplanes will fly.
You might ask yourself what you would want with a paper airplane, or how it could help you win anything. I will have you know, I am a perfectionist, and only the best is created from my two hands. The best art, the best music, the best chocolate chip cookies, and the best paper airplanes. From the time I was a baby, perfectionism was in my nature, with my freakish ability to color inside the lines when most other two year olds would take the crayon in their stubby fingers and scribble a line or two. From these two gifted hands came the paper airplane you are bidding on today. You have a top notch, high-quality paper airplane in front of you on this screen, and because it has been hand-crafted by someone so detail-oriented, it must be the best.
The instructor who directed me in making this airplane was none other than my own expert-paper-airplane-maker brother. With hours and years of practice, he has honed his airplane making talent so much that he is the master. He knows what it takes to make the airplane fly as far as it can, and his skill combined with my perfectionism created not only a perfect airplane, but an airplane that was evolution in the making just a few short years ago. He guided me step-by-step in making it, and you will reap the benefits by having the farthest flying airplane in your neighborhood.
In addition to being perfectly crafted, this paper airplane was also made on November 11th (11/11), and 11 just happens to be my favorite number. Now, 11 may or may not be your favorite number, but because I made the airplane on a day when the numbers happened to work out for me, the karma or good luck on this airplane is even greater. If this paper airplane does not guarantee you a win, I would go so far as to say that whoever and whatever beat you was cheating. I’m sure there are paper airplane models with motors or some kind of voodoo magic that will make them soar farther. That’s ridiculous. What happened to good, old-fashioned elbow grease and hard-earned satisfaction? I’ll tell you what happened to it: communism. I can promise you that this airplane will not let you down. It will fly twenty feet, and will go farther than your neighbor’s paper airplane will (face it, I’m guessing your neighbor lives in his basement…he’s not going anywhere in life, and neither is his airplane). Once you get this airplane, you should march right over there, knock on his door, and put down money that yours is the best. You will conquer.
Or, you might find yourself in a paper airplane fight to the death while locked up in prison (on false charges) with the 6’8” tattooed monster sharing your cell threatening to kill you if his airplane goes farther. You will be so glad that you decided to purchase this one, guaranteed to make you win. Or, maybe you’ll be in a street fight with a bunch of bikers including a paper airplane flying death match, and because you win that fight, you may find the girl/guy of your dreams! That special someone may be so impressed with your paper airplaning skills that you will find them to be the soul mate you have been dreaming about all your life. That is a chance worth taking, my friend.
But, some of us lack that killer instinct to win, and if you fall into that category, this airplane is also a means of communication in the office or the classroom. If you have need of saying something to a friend or colleague across the room, but you don’t want to say it out loud or write it in an email for fear of your boss reading it (trust me, I’ve had supervisors read my emails without my permission before…it’s not fun) you can write it on the airplane and just throw it at said person’s head. They’ll get your airplane, read your note, and badda-bing, badda-boom! Your communication has successfully been received.
For those of you without that winning instinct it’s also a creative and proven way of asking someone out. Wait until you see them next, write a clever saying or a sweet, romantic poem on the airplane, and then throw it at them. Granted, it might look a little tacky and childish (depending on your age) but it shows you’ve definitely got courage and you’re not afraid to make a potential fool of yourself! To some people, that’s a kind of attraction that can’t be matched.
So, as you go about your day today, pondering on whether or not you should make the investment to purchase this paper airplane, think about all the reasons I’ve given you. There’s really no question as to how much you will win in life by getting this paper airplane. It’s only limited by your imagination, and I wouldn’t think that anyone looking at my paper airplane was ever limited by something as silly as that. You will win dates, you will win a soul mateyou will win against your lonely neighbor, who will probably drown his sorrows with a bag of Cheetos and a Star Wars marathon. You can just stare at him with this winning paper airplane in hand and laugh manically. After all, he was the nonsensical one who didn’t bid on this airplane. Go ahead. Bid. Bid high. This will be worth so much to you in the end, and you don’t want to take a chance that someone may find it of more worth than you do. Live a happy, winning life, and buy this airplane today!
